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Ed Cale's Guide to the Homes of Once and Againby Ed Cale
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The name's Ed. Ed Cale. Been selling Real Estate around here for more than 25 years, and I've seen all there is to see, done all there is to do. In real estate. That's why they asked me to do this. In fact, I think we met when I was inspecting that nice lady's house. That one in Deerfield. On Oak. Yeah. That's what it was.


Nice house. Four bedroom. About ten, twelve years old. Good plumbing. Single mother, I heard. Yeah. Her ex-husband wanted to put the place up for sale. He didn't tell her. See that a lot in my line of business. Husbands, wives, they get married, have kids, then figure out they shouldn't have married in the first place, so one does the paper, the other one ends up screwed. I'm the one that makes the sale from the was-marrieds to the just-marrieds. That circle thing.

So this nice house. They could've been a nice family. Lots of arty crafty kid things all over the walls. Not just on the fridge where they belong. Some people. Nice people though. She was nice. The kids, I guess they were nice - the little one whined a lot though. Jake. He seemed nice. He runs a restaurant - I'll get to that in the restaurant section. He seemed very stressed, and he should be. It's not cheap to run a restaurant, especially to remodel and reopen. And then he gets served by his wife. So he wanted to sell this house. I should have known better. I'm just a softie. I told him three hundred, maybe three fifty. He wanted four. Nobody gets four these days, especially when you're not even committed to selling.

So this house. Big kitchen, sunken living room, spare room downstairs You know, this place is bigger than it looks. It has to be, with her new husband and his two kids moving in.

This family had all kinds of things here - thanksgiving dinners, and one with her new boyfriend, sorry, husband, and his family, they had a funeral reception, a Jewish one, the Sp .. esp . whatever it's called, lots of people, lots of food, the real family hiding outside. They had little fights, big fights, Lily and her husband, Lily and her boyfriend, Lily and her kids, Lily and her sister, Lily and everybody. Lily got caught on that couch over there with her new boyfriend by her ex-husband. Lily had her make-up sex thing with Jake over there.

There was this one room she wouldn't let me in, though. Actually blocked the door with her body when I reached for the knob. Don't know what's in there. Maybe she was hiding her boyfriend from the kids.

And out back is a nice garden. There's a children's house there that Jake built, and Lily had her second wedding out there, under a parachute. Can't see it now, but it was supposed to hold 100 people. Actually, it only had to hold the family.

You know, somewhere in here is a cricket. It's some ancient Japanese, Chinese, oriental thing. Yeah. A real live cricket. Supposed to bring luck. I hope that's true.


Not that far away from Lily's is her ex-husband's place. Ten, fifteen minutes depending on the roads. Small apartment. Works for him, it's near the restaurant. Three bedroom but squeezed in.

At least he's neater. No crap on the walls. Nothing on the fridge either. Actually, there's not much to this place. A bed, a big sofa, TV, small kitchen where he doesn't cook. It looks pretty empty. Kinda like him. His sometime girlfriend has a key to the place. I hear she's about to have a baby. Too bad. That's all this guy needs - another thing to worry about. He might have to move then. Maybe get a real house, not that he could afford one. I hear the restaurant died. No restaurant, no money. No money, no house. No house, well, it's a good thing his ex-wife remarried.


This Rick person is an architect. Got mixed up with that Atlantor mess and nearly lost his business. His problem is almost like Jake's. He's paying for the house his ex-wife lives in, and then has to pay for a place for himself. This apartment is bigger than what Jake has, is two-level where Jake's is single, and looks more lived in, even though there's still boxes left from when he moved in. That's changing. He's moving out, into Lily's house, along with the his kids when they're with him.

Still, this is a nice place. Roomy. Nice kitchen, separate dining area, nice living room. It's three bedroom, all upstairs. New appliances, not that he used them. This guy orders Chinese food all the time. Good shape for someone who eats so bad. Actually, I hear his girl doesn't eat. That's too bad.

His boy, Eli, became a man in this place, there in the living room. Too bad Rick hasn't realized that yet, that Eli's become a man. They'll keep eating at each other until one of them realizes that. Or leaves.


This is a nice residential area in Willmette. Nice house too. About the same size as Lily's. Three bedroom, plus a spacious basement with it's own entry door. Good plumbing, lots of light and air. The bedrooms are a little dark but big for a house this age.

I know he goes over there a lot, mostly because of the kids, but, between you and me, I always thought he still had a thing for her. She's a looker too.

I hear this used to be a happy place. Maybe that's why they had to go on vacation to break up.

Anyway, all the family areas are big. Big living room, big kitchen, big dining room. Lots of space to be lonely in. The boy lonely in his basement, the girl lonely in her dark room, the ex-wife lonely in her house, and the ex-husband lonely on the outside. This is a beautiful, lonely house.


This one is a studio, small, but not bad. On the ground floor and easy driving distance to the bookstore, good thing too with her beat-up old Corvair. The place has some nice touches, but way too many colors. This is your basic square studio, nice floor. This girl's decoration is very cluttered, kinda mixed-up. You got your orange on one wall, blue on another, curtains with no windows . you get the idea. Not sure what she wants. Nice bathroom area though, old-style free-standing bathtub with brass fixtures. Outside of the paint, nothing looks permanent here, so it's an easy fix-up job.


All the way in the city. Very small apartment. Very messy. I wouldn't want this guy to be my doctor. Stuff everywhere. I couldn't find anything. Doesn't look like he could either. Not much to say about this place. Bookshelves, big sofa, bed, kitchen, the usual. His broken bicycle is in the corner. Got run over by the ex-husband.

Based on characters created by Edward Zwick and Marshall Herskovitz


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